New Year's Resolution - be more compassionate to yourselves

I came across an article (number 9) about negative automatic thoughts and negative self talk whilst browsing the web today.  Whilst reading, I reflected back on my own frustrations when not improving, and the clients I have worked with over the last 12 months.  Many people are literally kicking themselves over the things they cant do - frustrated and angry with themselves, they try harder and harder, all the while talking to themselves in a more negative and punitive way.  I heard people saying things like "come on you idiot! for god's sake sort it out!  Why do you always mess it up? why cant you get it right?! Why are you such a scaredy-cat!".

It can be hard to imagine the effect this might have on ourselves, after all its only us talking, right?  But imagine if you talked to someone else the way you talk to yourself.  Imagine if you spoke to a child the way you speak to yourself.  What effect do you think it might have?  We know that constructive criticism, delivered well, is helpful.  But a barrage of negative comments, delivered in an angry tone, is really bad for self esteem, motivation, and in fact doesn't help the other person alter their behaviour.  If we wanted a child to do something differently, we might be better off saying something like "try doing x next time", and we certainly wouldnt be inflicting a barrage of criticism on them would we.

So why do we do it to ourselves? It can be just being in a negative frame of mind, frustration, or it can be rooted in the way we were coached/ given feedback in the past.  Regardless of its origin, its important to try to become aware of it and begin to use different language with ourselves.  Try talking to yourself as if you were talking to another person, offering constructive advice to improve performance, rather than a litany of what is wrong.  Treat yourself with the compassion a child learning a new skill deserves, and let me know the results!